9 Reasons Why You Can't Forget Your Toxic Ex

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9 Reasons Why You Can't Forget Your Toxic Ex

Breakups are never easy.

Even when you are ready to end your story and move on, you will go through a period of grief, which is inevitable after separation.

But all breakups are different.

Some leave you with a slight sense of loss and the pain passes relatively quickly, so you're ready to go back soon after.

But there are also "epic" breakups. Those that seem impossible to recover from.

Sometimes it's because you really loved the person you were with and thought you'd be together forever. But exes who hurt you deeply are also hard to forget.

They may even be the hardest breakups.

But why is it so hard to move on from someone who hurt you so much?

When it comes to breaking up with someone you imagined to be the man of your life, it makes sense to experience insurmountable pain. But what about that man who was very toxic? Why don't we feel relief instead?

It is because logic and heart rarely go together.

But perhaps also for one or more of the following reasons...

    Toxic relationships play with your head and your intuition

    More than just heartbreak, experiencing the end of a toxic relationship can significantly affect your mental health and well-being.

    Recovering from such a relationship means that you will have to grieve it, but more importantly, you will have to heal the psychological damage it created.

    It is not uncommon for you to begin to question your own intuition and to blame yourself.

    "How did I not see this coming?" might go on and on in your head.

    You will wonder how you didn't see the signs of manipulation and you will begin to question your judgment.

    Learning to trust each other is part of the healing process.

    You feel alone

    Simply put, one of the main reasons you can't let go of a past relationship, toxic or not, is that you feel too lonely.

    Our advice? Rather than crying over someone who wasn't right for you, focus on yourself.

    Go back to hobbies you used to do, treat yourself to something that makes you happy and reconnect with friends you haven't seen in a while.

    It's better to be single than being with the wrong person, right?

    You spy on him on social networks

    Immediately after a breakup, you will probably still be connected to him on social networks.

    It is best to avoid anything that will remind you of him. Block him, stop being friends on Facebook, delete him from your virtual life.

    Ignorance is bliss if you allow yourself to experience it.

    Online harassment can quickly get out of hand, and frankly, it's to be avoided because you're doing yourself more harm than good.

    Let go of everything you can no longer control.

    You've confused passion with love

    A toxic relationship can sometimes hide behind the features of a passion.

    Does this sound familiar?  You fight violently, you break up, you regret, you find each other and it's exciting and perfect and then you fight, you break up, you...

    Arguments followed by reconciliations can seem exciting and fill you with adrenaline, but over time, it can have significant emotional and psychological consequences.

    For example, you may find it easier to submit when your partner is angry and you may become dependent on the "closeness" you had when you were reconciling.

    This emotional roller coaster can become addictive, even though the reality is that it's just more pain for you.

    Getting out of this pattern can take time and prolong the "emotional recovery".

    You only remember the good times

    Ah, that famous selective memory.

    Simply put: no partner or relationship is perfect.

    No matter how much you loved your ex, try to be honest about his or her flaws instead of idealizing them.

    While it's no fun reliving a breakup, it's important to regularly remind yourself of what led to the end of the relationship.

    Perhaps your partner cheated, lied, or broke your trust.

    These are no small problems and they say a lot about the character of your now ex-partner.

    When someone shows you who they really are, believe it.

    Don't remember the idyllic early days with your rose-colored glasses on your nose.

    Don't forget how painful or unpleasant things were in the end.

    If you want to move on, accept the fact that your ex has changed and realize that your sadness doesn't mean you miss him or her but that you miss who they WERE.

    You haven't learned how to let go.

    When you think back on the breakups you've been through, you might think, "What the hell was I thinking? What did I even think I saw in them?"

    The truth is that time is a great way to clarify your view of people.

    What you will have to come to understand is that what you often mourn in these breakups is not the loss of the person, but rather your idealized version of them.

    This is quite common and can actually be even worse in toxic relationships.

    Sometimes we "romanticize" the person we are dating too much and when that person hurts us, our image of them breaks down, leaving us powerless.

    To overcome this, it is essential to try to separate who they really were from the person you created in your head. And that takes time.

    You didn't get an explanation

    Knowing why it ended would make a breakup much easier but unfortunately not all of us are lucky enough to get that information.

    When your ex doesn't want to talk to you, it's time for you to start realizing some things.

    First, you're taking on someone who thinks you don't deserve a simple explanation.

    You're attacking someone who wants you to be the last one to let go so they can say they cared the least.

    Second, you will cling to your past if you continue to insist on this person who is in fact visibly unwilling to answer you.

    Finally, you should stop looking for explanations in the wrong places.

    Your peace is more important than the need to hear what is wrong from someone who has abandoned you.

    Accept the fact that your ex will not give you the explanations you need.

    You need to stop looking for him, spying on him and hoping.

    Accept that the explanations you expect from him or her will not come.

    You are crying out for the potential of this relationship

    Is there a part of you still clinging to the hope that he will see the mistake he made, crawl at your feet and then offer you the relationship of your dreams?

    Unless you're only thinking in "Paris in a bottle" mode ("what if...")

    If this is the case, you have to get rid of this illusion if you want to move on.

    The "what ifs" are almost as bad as continuing to think about your ex.

    "If I hadn't reacted that way, he...", "What if he was really sorry?", "What if that's not what he meant?"...

    Maybe he was romantic and nice at the beginning of your relationship, or maybe he was nice to you for a few days after an argument but that doesn't change the fact that he was toxic.

    Write a list of all the things he said and did that reflect his true personality.

    And read it several times a day.

    Also read: Toxic relationship: the signs that should alert you.

    You feel like you have lost part of your soul.

    In a toxic relationship, it can be easy to lose part of your identity.

    Overcoming a breakup like this requires acknowledging the void your ex has left and healing it.

    It's time to work on regaining who you are and your personal power.

    This process won't happen overnight, but once you've started this process, you will come out the other side of your breakup stronger and more confident.

    "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger."

    This is really the main and perhaps the only benefit of heartbreak.

    While you are experiencing it, you may feel that it will never end and that you will be broken forever, but in reality, this grief is what will make us stronger and more resilient.

    If you can survive this, you can survive anything.
    And you'll know who to avoid in the future, because whoever hurts you probably doesn't really love you.

    You deserve better. 

    Also read: The Best 7 Secrets of a Successful Relationship.

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